Thursday, March 1, 2012

On Fire

What happens when you run into an old flame?

Moreover, what happens when - for whatever reason - you both admit that you are not with anyone special "at the moment" - you are in fact alone.

What happens next?

One morning I woke up in the wee early hours with an attack of  loneliness.

I saw an old flame and afterwards expected that we might rekindle the old pattern of  making up, hanging out and making out. Interestingly, the initiation of the familiar pattern always came from the other side; and I would with little thought or reservation comply and begin again we would.

But this time it didn't happen. No further contact was made and I wondered why not ignite the passion again? What happened that there's no longer interest - and how does that make me feel? Hence the attack of wee hour loneliness.  An attack because it sneaks up on me with little warning and for me its important that I attend to such plights of unrest that can affect my peace of mind.

Of course, getting back together is never the most healthy option for either one of us (lest we would never have broken up in the first place). But we rarely think of it that way when we begin to fan the fire of that old flame begin to burn.

And with fire the old feelings heat up - mostly the good (little of the bad).  Giving into heated emotions you start thinking about all the good times you once had together. Hot flashes of how good it was to meet for that "afternoon delight" and you relive those passionate clandestine late night rendezvous. Burning desires return and like an out of control forest blaze, something begins that ultimately leads to disastrous consequences. And you forget in the end you will be brokenhearted and burnt!

So why do it?

That's the question that sent my gray cells pondering.  Although, the fire with the old flame was not rekindled - I was still left with the feeling of being burnt!  And its been a flickering thought ever since we ran into each other. I think it has something to do with admitting I was alone - which somehow implied loneliness - something you don't want your old flame to be privy to (ego, pride, dignity either or all). Still I was compelled to address why the fire had smoldered in the heart of  my old flame. Why no invitation to rekindle the old passion? More importantly knowing the disheartening results of such a heated interaction...why do I care?

As yet I've not come up with a soothing answer.  However, being on fire with thought about this old-flame-burning-desire pattern, I do think may help smoulder the fire for future episodes of this not-so-healthy combustible connection and prevent further flare least with this old flame.

Loving Thought
True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.”
~ Unknown Author

To be continued...