Saturday, March 10, 2012

Is Sex Supposed to Hurt?


"No, sex is not supposed to hurt."

For edification purposes, I usually set up the scenario before I answer the question. In doing so it provides a picture of the circumstance I discuss in the blog that day; you know "a picture is worth a thousand words" as the cliché goes. However, with regard to this circumstance - "Is sex supposed to hurt?" - the fact is there is practically no scenario for which I could see giving any answer other than "No" because under no circumstance is sex supposed to hurt.

Now, for purpose of edification, the question stems from a discussion about sexual fetish. To be more exact, the issue was whether it is "okay" for a man to choke a woman during intercourse if its gratifying to him, but painful for her (yes, it could be the other way around). But the answer remains the same:

"No"...absolutely not.

Indeed my answer is resolute, and as such I provide clarification and explanation for the purposes of edification.

Of course, I've heard the argument that "as long as two consenting adults say it's 'okay ...they can decide to have sex anyway they want." And to this I say, legally that is probably the case. However, as I see it "consenting adults" is not the crux of the question, "Is sex supposed hurt?"

The fact that someone is being hurt is the issue - and that is not a good thing in any circumstance. Moreover, although I can appreciate "wild and crazy" sex as much as the next "consenting adult" - nonetheless, there is no qualifying hurting someone so that you can feel good. I would even go so far as to suggest that such behavior demonstrates a lack of empathy towards others and represents the type of person who would manipulate others in order to get what they desire - which are fundamental signs of social, mental and spiritual imbalance.

Yet, my point is not to get into a deep discussion about the virtue or vice of a sexual of fetish  However, my resolute answer, "No, sex is not supposed to hurt" means just that - "because as human beings...we are not supposed to hurt each other in any circumstance and think its okay"-  because it's not okay to purposefully inflict pain  - on any living being. 

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