Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Say It Like You Mean It

"Say it like you mean it...say it like you mean it....say it like you mean it! (Repeated passionately).

I don't know where I heard it, but this string of words has been flowing in and out of my head for a few days.

I do know it's a man speaking to a woman; a type of call and response scenario as he made love her.  I think it was a comedy skit, but whatever the origin these words were what came to mind hearing this couple on line at the movies.

All of a sudden, seemingly from no where the woman starts yelling at the man (and who I thought to be their teen daughter looked on).  I mean the woman got really loud and it seemed there might be violence, but they didn't come to blows there, maybe because he tried to keep it down.  Nonetheless, her voice was violent and of course caught my attention (what can I say, people watching is like my Facebook).  Anyway, I would have put money on a bet that it was the way the woman often spoke to her partner - and it didn't matter whether it was in public or at home.

Why?  Why do people who proclaim to love each other speak so harshly, with such unkindness, so violently to each other?  

Someone reading this is probably saying, "If you knew the way he spoke to me, you wouldn't ask that dumb question."

Actually, you'd be half right because if there was a real "reason" it would be a starting point for understanding and for changing such abrasive behavior.  And I do advocate change because it doesn't make sense for anyone, let alone someone who loves you to speak to you so brutally.

This wasn't the first time I'd seen such a public display, it happens all the time. And it has always disturbed me, not only because it's loud and hostile, but its abusive, plain and simple - abuse. And any social worker will tell you abuse begins with abusive behavior - usually speaking to someone with little regard for their personhood.   But let me slow down here, because it doesn't even have to be that deep.  I'm just sayin'..."In the name of love, can we just be little more mindful of the way we talk to the one we love?"

I know sometimes it's in the moment of a heated argument or disappointment or frustration and you "say it like you mean it" because you mean it to be said violently, angrily and without kindness.  But do try to slow down, take a deep breath, breathe and consider "You get more bees with honey, than with vinegar" because more often than not, it's not what you said, but how you say it that affects the person and the outcome. 

The next you need to "say it like you mean it" and mean what you say, for the sake of love, do try to say what you mean keeping in mind you're saying it to someone you love.

To be continued...


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