Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Too Fat for Love

People are always saying "Beauty is only skin deep" as if there's something wrong with being beautiful. There isn't, and if true be told we all love beauty and want to be beautiful. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to someone because of the way they look, after all, "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." But what happens when the "Beholder" no long finds you beautiful because you don't look the same?

Is it fair to break up with someone who has gained so much weight you consider them too fat for love?

On the surface most people would probably say it isn't fair to break up with someone just because they gained too much weight. However, underneath the fear of reproach and closer to the core of honesty, I think many would consider it is fair to break up with someone because they gained too much - and I for one would agree. That's right, I think it's as legitimate a cause for break up as any other  reason.  And before you get way offended, let me tell you why.

An overweight lover is setting you up for big disappointments - because being overweight is unhealthy, costly and limits one's quality of life. Quality of life means the opportunities; options and choices that can help you create a happy life. However, if you have an overweight lover, he/she will limit their opportunities, options and choices for quality of life - as well as your.  But think about the ramifications of being overweight; it's not rocket science and it's not being mean.

(Note this is not a discussion about people with health related reasons for overweight - and no one should be skin and bones). 

Yet, on the most basic level if a person is overweight they may not want to be active, that can mean anything from strolling hand-in-hand through the mall with you, taking a nice stroll through a park or along a moonlit beach together. Chance are an overweight person just won't feel up to it because being overweight depletes energy, not to mention makes the heart work harder and that can be painful. So who wants to be with someone who doesn't want to do stuff? And what about something like travel? Do you know some airlines charge extra for an overweight person to travel? No, it's not legal to charge extra for the ticket, but airlines do charge extra for the seat attachment overweight people require to fasten their seat belt. Yes, that affects quality of life in very legitimate way - money. And what about the overweight lover...if you know like I know...making love is best when both people can put energy into it. And as unloving as it might sound, an overweight lover can not put as much energy into making love - and that definitely affects my quality of life! These are just a few basic examples to help you see why I say you may have legitimate reason to break up with someone who is overweight - because being overweight does have a negative affect on quality of life.

But in putting the case to you in such heavy-handed terms, I hope you recognize I'm not "just" talking about being overweight.   I'm talking about health, taking care of one's health and creating balance. Because although, I may think it's a legitimate reason to break up with someone because their overweight issue has a negative affect on quality of life for you, I'm not saying it's the most loving choice to break up with someone "just" because they gained too much weight.

Thanks in part to the dynamic work of First Lady Michelle Obama, the word about too many Americans being too overweight and the consequences on health is getting out. Likewise, the First Lady is helping Americans take proactive steps to create better balance with weight, in order to improve their health and quality of life - which I think can also have a positive affect on your love life.

Likewise, what I say here is intended to be heavy-handed because I want the words to carry weight when it comes to understanding, seeing, realizing how being overweight can be too heavy on an intimate relationship. My stance is heavy-handed because I hope that if you are ever on either side of the issue too fat for love that you might visual these scenarios and consider what you might be able to do to help lessen the burden on the relationship toward a better quality of life and balance before you decide the overweight person you're with is too fat for love.

To be continued...


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